Time machine of sorts.

If I could go back in time...well not like going back to the 50s to see Elvis sing in a barn, or traveling to the late 80s and stealing and recording all of Nirvana's songs before they get a chance to, but more like starting life over again. If I could start over, I think I would prefer to be an asshole.

I think assholes have it made.

But it really needs to be set in motion at an early age. That way, people will sort of grow along with certain aspects of your assholism. I once tried to switch from being a decent guy to being an asshole but I just ended up being a jerk. Nobody likes a jerk. But everyone loves the asshole at the party that says and does whatever the hell the wants. Even if they don't realize it, they love it.

So, that's what I would do if I could go back in time.

I'd also probably kill this one guy.